Codependency Inventory

Codependency is a set of learned patterns in relationships that can involve enmeshment, caretaking, people-pleasing, enabling, and over-reliance. These patterns set unsustainable expectations for ourselves and others in relationships, eventually leading to hurt and resentment.

For survivors of high-control groups, the codependent dynamics that are often normalized in the group can continue to impact our relationships even long afterward.

This inventory is intended to help you identify possible patterns of codependency in your life so you can start updating your expectations about how relationships work and building more fulfilling connections.

Instructions: Check the statements that sound like things you often think, feel, or do.

Enmeshment

I often turn to others to help me understand what I’m feeling.

My loved ones and I make almost all of our decisions together.

I think people in relationships should be able to anticipate each others' needs and wants.

My mood usually reflects what the people closest to me are feeling.

I often change my mind when a loved one expresses a different opinion.

I would rather be in an unhealthy relationship than be alone.

Caretaking

I often take personal responsibility for fixing the problems of my loved ones.

I take care of others even if it means neglecting my own needs.

I feel rejected when others say they don't need my help.

I’m often drawn to relationships with people who seem to need saving.

I try to offer helpful advice to my loved ones even if they haven’t asked for it.

It makes me feel needed when my loved ones can't function without me.

People-Pleasing

I frequently walk on eggshells to avoid making others upset with me.

I usually go along with what others want, even if I'm uncomfortable.

I rarely speak up when a loved one says or does hurtful things to me.

I let others show physical affection to me even if I’m uncomfortable.

I lie about or hide things that I think could make others dislike me.

I spend a lot of time worrying about whether my loved ones are upset with me.

Enabling

I tend to do things for my loved ones that they should be able to do for themselves.

I try to spare my loved ones from consequences, even when they've made poor choices.

I often worry what would happen to my loved ones if I stopped intervening.

I often blame external circumstances for the unhealthy behaviors of my loved ones.

I sometimes lie or keep secrets to cover up my loved ones' mistakes.

I bail my loved ones out of trouble even if I've done it many times before.

Over-Reliance

I need a lot of affirmation from loved ones to feel confident in myself.

I feel anxious or confused when I’m not with my loved ones.

I feel incapable of accomplishing things without help from my loved ones.

I often get jealous when my loved ones spend time with other people.

I feel rejected or abandoned whenever I'm separated from my loved ones.

I worry I'd never find love again if my loved one(s) left me.

Interpretation: If you checked more than two statements in any of the categories above, you have some codependent learned patterns that are worth talking to a therapist about. The good news is that relationships typically get more rewarding when you start changing codependent habits.

Optional: If you want to receive a copy of your responses, enter your email and click "Submit".

Email

Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S