Take this inventory to see how a high control religious group or cult has impacted you. Learn more about religious trauma and spritual abuse. INVENTORIES NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Religious Trauma Inventory High Control Group Inventory Childhood Religious Messages Inventory Religious Patriarchy Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Values Inventory Codependency Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory High Control Group Inventory A high-control group is a community whose teachings, practices, and social structures enforce a culture of conformity, submission, and loyalty to the group. To maintain power, these groups often emphasize total obedience to authority, suppression of self-trust, and isolation from outside influences. They may also use control tactics of threats, intimidation, shame, and justification of abuse to keep members compliant. In these environments, an individual's personal autonomy, boundaries, and emotional wellbeing are devalued in favor of total devotion to the group's mission and leadership. Being in a high-control group can be profoundly damaging, significantly increasing a person's likelihood of developing depression, anxiety, and trauma-related disorders. Because these groups discourage independent thought and intuition, survivors often struggle with identity confusion, a loss of self-trust, and learned helplessness. They often endure chronic anxiety, deep-seated shame, self-neglect, and rigid black-and-white thinking patterns. Additionally, the normalization of poor boundaries within the group can lead to ongoing relationship dysfunction, even long after an individual has left the community. The following inventory is designed to help individuals identify the common teachings of high-control groups and recognize how these dynamics may have impacted their lives. While some of the teachings listed here may not qualify as abusive on their own, if many of a group’s teachings align with these statements, it is likely a high-control group. Even if the group's leaders have positive intentions, they are likely doing harm to their members. Instructions: Check the statements that align with what your group teaches, demonstrates, or implies through their ideology and practices. People who reject our teachings or leave our group will face divine judgment. (IA, TC) People who accept our teachings and are faithful will be eternally rewarded. (UI) Our group members are expected to recruit nonbelievers into the group. (EX, CO) Evil forces are actively trying to corrupt or harm our group and its members. (TC, IS) Our group offers the only true protection from evil. (TC, IA, IS) Our leader(s) have been given special spiritual authority. (IA) Our teachings and/or scriptures are the ultimate truth. (IA, UI) Our teachings are a higher authority than secular ideas or laws. (IA, IS, UI) Our group is a utopian community that offers total unity and belonging. (UI) Our group and its members have a special divine purpose. (UI, IA) Humans are fundamentally broken and their instincts can’t be trusted. (SH, DA) Failing to meet our expectations is a sign of spiritual weakness. (SH, CO, TC) Our members are expected to accept the punishment they deserve. (JA, SH, IA) Physical or mental illness is a sign of spiritual weakness. (SH, JA) Prioritizing one's own needs is a sign of pride and selfishness. (SH, EX) Our group uses special language that nonbelievers can't understand. (IS, UI) We must enforce our rules on nonbelievers for their good. (IA, DA, EX) Outsiders want to corrupt or harm our members, especially our children. (IS, TC) We expect our members to limit or cut off relationships with nonbelievers. (IS, DA) We expect our members to avoid literature/media that contradicts our teachings. (IS, IA, CO) Our members are expected to attend group meetings without excuse. (CO, DA) Our members are expected to report the failures of other members to leadership. (IA, DA, CO) Our members are expected to prioritize group unity over their own needs. (EX, CO, DA) Our members are expected to confess their failures and secrets to the group. (SH, CO, DA) Our members are expected to forgive, reconcile, and restore harmony. (CO, UI, DA) We have our members' best interest in mind and could never harm them. (JA, IA) Our leaders' judgement and intentions must not be questioned. (IA) When our members suffer, it's a form of discipline designed to help them grow. (SH, JA) Our members are expected to submit to group discipline without complaint. (IA, DA, CO) Our members should never harbor anger toward one of our leaders. (JA, IA) We have special rules regarding sex that were designed by higher power. (CO, IA) Women and men have distinct gender roles that were designed by higher power. (CO, IA, DA) Not adhering to our rules for sex and gender is dangerous and disgusting. (CO, SH, TC) People in the LBGTQ+ community are a threat to our children. (TC, IS, CO) Secular movements regarding gender are a threat to our community. (TC, IS) Truly devoted members will regularly donate money to the group. (EX, CO) Our members will be financially rewarded in proportion to their contributions. (EX, UI) Truly devoted members will volunteer their time and labor to the group. (EX, UI, CO) Our members will be spiritually rewarded for their earthly sacrifices. (EX, UI) Truly devoted members will rely fully on the group to provide for their needs. (IS, UI, CO) Interpretation If your group teaches/taught multiple items on this list, you’ve experienced a high-control group and are at a higher risk of developing trauma-related symptoms. This doesn't necessarily mean that your group was cult or that it was always abusive, but it's a definite red flag that its members are being harmed. If you want to dig deeper, use the codes at end of each statement to see the corresponding themes of group power and control. Code Key CO: Conformity DA: Denial of Autonomy EX: Exploitation IA: Intimidation & Authority IS: Isolation JA: Justification of Abuse SH: Shame & Humiliation TC: Threats & Coercion UI: Utopian Ideal Optional: If you would like to receive an email of your responses, enter your email below and click "submit". Email Submit Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Learn more about r eligious trauma and how it impacts survivors. Looking for a therapist? Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory

Take this inventory to help you identify the patriarchal and purity culture messages that you recieved from your religious group. INVENTORIES NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Religious Trauma Inventory High Control Group Inventory Childhood Religious Messages Inventory Religious Patriarchy Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Values Inventory Codependency Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory Religious Patriarchy + Purity Culture Inventory When patriarchy intertwines with religious doctrine, it suggests gender hierarchies and sexual control are divinely sanctioned. High-control groups can use this idea to set narrow limits on how their members express themselves based on gender . Religious patriarchy is also used to dictate how men and women are expected to operate in the group and in their own family system. Women and children are expected to submit to the men they've been told have God-given authority. In some groups, these expectations extend beyond gender roles to include rigid rules regarding sex and sexuality . This form of religious patriarchy, known as purity culture, judges sexual desire and often forbids masturbation, pornography use, and any sexual activity outside of monogamous heterosexual marriage. There's often immense pressure placed on female modesty, obligatory marital sex, and avoiding any perception of sexual immorality. Framing these rules as spiritual mandates instills deep shame in survivors. Research on adults raised in purity culture shows a very high incidence of sex-related anxiety, guilt, and sexual dysfunction . Survivors may view themselves as deviant to disgusting despite their sexual activity falling well within the norm for a healthy adult. Women in particular are very likely to experience pain and dissociation during sex if they were taught that sex with their husband is a marital obligation. This inventory is a list of common religious patriarchy messages. Even if someone doesn't feel harmed by every one of these teachings, when many of these themes are present in a group, there's a very high risk that at least some of the group members will experience suppression and abuse. Instructions : Check the statements below that reflect things you were taught by your religious group. Traditional family values were designed by God to keep families together. Deviating from traditional gender roles indicates a spiritual problem. God is a father figure to believers, demonstrating the natural role of men. Men are the head of the household and have authority over women and children. Men are tasked by God to be the providers for their families. Wives should submit to their husbands as a reflection of their submission to God. Women are tasked by God to be wives, mothers, and helpers in the home. A woman with strong opinions or ambitions is rebelling against God's design. Sexual purity before marriage has high spiritual importance. Any sexual activity outside of monogamous marriage is shameful. Lustful thoughts are just as sinful as physical sexual acts. Masturbation is a form of sexual impurity. Pornography is a form of sexual impurity that leads to addiction. Gay and lesbian attraction goes against God's design for sex and relationships. Protecting a woman's purity and modesty is her family's responsibility. A woman who experiences a high sex drive is deviant and impure. Women must dress modestly to prevent men from being sexually tempted. A woman who is sexually assaulted bears responsibility if she's not dressed modestly. It is a wife's duty to fulfill all of her husband's sexual needs. In marriage, a wife does not have the right to deny her husband sex. Marital problems are often caused by a wife's failure to submit to her husband. Interpretation: If you checked a lot of the items on this list, you come from a group with significant patriarchal views infused into their spiritual beliefs. If you want to dig deeper, items 1-8 above are related to family structure and gender roles, while items 9-21 are related to views on sex, sexuality, and purity. Take note which section you identified more items in. Even if you feel that you've deconstructed some or all of these messages on a cognitive level, they may still be impacting the way you feel about yourself, express your gender, and engage with your sexuality. Take some time to reflect on how shame and suppression may have shaped your view of your own worthiness. Optional: If you want to receive a copy of your responses, enter your email and click "Submit". Email Submit Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Learn more about r eligious trauma and how it impacts survivors. Looking for a therapist? Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory

Learn about the symptoms of religious trauma and spiritual abuse, and how high-control groups can cause harm. Get connected to resources for survivors, leaders, and therapists. UNDERSTANDING RELIGIOUS TRAUMA WHAT IS RELIGIOUS TRAUMA? Religious trauma comes from adverse experiences in a faith-based community where doctrine, practices, or controlling group dynamics undermine an individual's sense of safety or autonomy. This form of trauma is a profound and complex experience that can manifest in a variety of ways. It often impacts the individual emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually. Religious trauma typically doesn't come from one isolated event, but is often the result of multiple harmful experiences that created and reinforced feelings of fear, shame, and powerlessness. WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF RELIGIOUS TRAUMA? Religious trauma looks different for each person. These are the six common categories of symptoms, though: (1) intense fear and anxiety about spiritual and practical threats, (2) shame and guilt about perceived personal inadequacy, (3) rigid thinking centered around black-and-white beliefs, (4) the suppression of emotions and identity, (5) relationship difficulties both in and out of the group, and (6) complex grief and spiritual struggles. Read more below for specific examples. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RELIGIOUS TRAUMA AND RELIGIOUS ABUSE? Religious or spiritual abuse focuses on the exploitation and perpetration of harm by a faith-based group's leaders, practices, or ideology. Religious trauma, on the other hand, describes the internal impacts and symptoms that an individual has to deal with in the wake of harmful religious experiences. WHAT QUALIFIES AS A HIGH-CONTROL GROUP/CULT? The teachings, practices, and authority structures of high-control groups normalize a culture of conformity, submission, and total reliance on the group. Leaders of these groups may claim or even believe that their practices are in the best interest of their members, but they often focus on suppressing any thoughts or behaviors that would threaten their control. If you're not sure whether you've been in a high-control religious group or cult, take the High Control Group Inventory . ARE ALL RELIGIOUS GROUPS HARMFUL? The short answer is no. Lots of people have positive, non-traumatic experiences in faith communities. Recognizing and addressing the fact that people can experience religious trauma isn't an indictment against all religious beliefs. When someone's harmed in a religious setting, it doesn't necessarily mean that the group is toxic. It is, however, cause for concern, curiosity, accountability, and efforts to prevent future harm. HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE RELIGIOUS/SPIRITUAL TRAUMA? You can use tools like the Religious Trauma Inventory to reflect on your own experiences with the symptoms listed above. Educating yourself on the common signs and symptoms of Complex PTSD is also a great place to start. Additionally, there's an increasing number of useful resources out there that can offer you clarity and validation as you explore this topic. HOW DOES SOMEONE RECOVER FROM RELIGIOUS TRAUMA? Whether you're comfortable with the label of religious trauma or not, recognizing and validating the way your religious experiences have impacted you is the first step. It's crucial to practice curiosity and non-judgment towards yourself as you unpack and deconstruct the beliefs, practices, and controlling group dynamics that have hurt you. Working with a therapist who's trained in this area can be a very valuable source of support. Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory . LEARN MORE ABOUT... The Impacts of Religious Trauma Group Power and Control Developmental Religious Trauma Deconstruction Codependency in High-Control Groups Spiritual Bypassing Recommended Media Therapist Directory Continuing Education Self-Inventories Research + Assessment THE IMPACTS OF RELIGIOUS TRAUMA Every person's experience of religious trauma is unique, but there are six main categories of symptoms that tend to show up among survivors: Fear + Anxiety, Shame (Disempowerment), Rigid Thinking, Self-Suppression, Relationship Difficulties, and Grief + Spiritual Struggles. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Fear + Anxiety Religious practices and experiences can sometimes induce intense fear and anxiety. Often, these fears are connected with explicit or implicit teachings about spiritual dangers, worldly dangers, eternal consequences, divine control, punishment from God, or discipline from the group and its leaders. Many religious trauma survivors deal with long term struggles such as generalized anxiety, complex-PTSD, phobias, panic attacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, or obsessive-compulsive disorders. For many, these fears and anxieties make it hard to relax or feel safe, even when they're not in a religious setting. Here are some common forms of fear and anxiety. Spiritual Hypervigilance : Fear, paranoia, and preoccupation with spiritual threats and dangers such as sin, temptation, persecution, spiritual warfare, demon possession, secular influences, etc. Example: Constantly looking for signs that you're being spiritually attacked. Afterlife Anxiety : Intense fear of going to hell, dread of the end times, obsessions about ensuring your salvation, feeling responsible for others' salvation, fearing eternal separation from loved ones, etc. Example: Repeatedly worrying that others will go to hell because you didn't witness to them. Dread of Divine Control : Feeling trapped by God's will or preordained plans for your life, fearing that God will punish you or others for spiritual failures, fearing that you'll be "called" to do things you don't want to do, etc. Example: Worrying that God will force you to become a missionary. Scrupulosity (OCD) : Obsessive rule-following, intrusive fears of being punished or blamed, trying to be perfect, constantly monitoring your behavior, obsessing over determining right from wrong, compulsively confessing mistakes, etc. Example: Assuming that you'll be accused of cheating even though you've never cheated. Superstitions : Compulsively repeating religious rituals or practices in hopes that you'll be protected from spiritual harm (praying, confessing, scripture reading, witnessing, etc.) Example: Fearing that something bad will happen if you don't read scripture every day. Spiritual Bypassing : Repeating religious words or phrases to downplay your anxiety instead of dealing with it (learn more about spiritual bypassing. ) Example: Repeatedly chanting a Bible verse about laying your anxieties at God's feet. Social Anxiety : Fearing judgment, criticism, or rejection by people around you, assuming others are monitoring your behavior, worrying that you'll be shamed or humiliated publicly. Example: Overthinking everything you said during a church gathering. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Shame (Disempowerment) Many religious trauma survivors experience a deep sense of shame about who they are. This disempowering core belief often originates from religious doctrines that emphasize an evil or sinful nature. When a religious group imposes unrealistic expectations, their members internalize their failure as a sign that they are fundamentally inadequate, deserving of punishment, and in need of rescuing. Here are some examples of shame and disempowerment. Self-Blame : Assuming that you are responsible for things totally out of your control, apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong, punishing yourself preemptively for not living up to external standards. Example: Automatically assuming that when things go wrong, it must have been your fault. Self-Distrust : Believing you can't trust your own instincts and desires, always relying on others for guidance, assuming that your natural inclinations are immoral and wrong. Example: Assuming that your gut feeling is a form of temptation that you should ignore. Self-Criticism : Habitually insulting, threatening or calling yourself names, believing that you need to abuse yourself in order to keep yourself on the right path. Example: Calling yourself "prideful" and "selfish" for not wanting to volunteer. Self-Neglect : Not addressing your physical/mental health needs, undervaluing your own comfort, believing God wants you to forgo happiness, pleasure, or freedom. Example: Not taking a day off because you view self-care as a sign of selfishness. Perfectionism : Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, trying to make up for your perceived inadequacy by constantly achieving, pushing yourself too hard, not tolerating mistakes or imperfections, etc. Example: Feeling like a failure when you don't have the highest grade in the class. Overworking : Compulsively serving and volunteering, placing the mission and needs of others above your own, feeling obligated to help or rescue others, feeling like you're never doing "enough", worrying that if you relax you'll let people down. Example: Tirelessly serving at church even when your health is being negatively impacted. Learned Helplessness : Feeling trapped in predetermined circumstances without power to control the trajectory of your life, believing you're too broken to succeed, feeling a premature sense of defeat and cynicism about your future. Example: Not applying for a new job because you're waiting for God to reveal his will for your life. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Rigid Thinking It's common for religious trauma survivors to struggle with rigid thinking and suppress any thoughts or behaviors that don't fit into their restrictive worldview. Often, these habits emerge after long term indoctrination in a black-and-white belief system that demanded conformity and rejected diversity. Habits of black-and-white thinking can be hard to unlearn even among people who no longer adhere to their previous belief system. These are some examples of what rigid thinking can look like. Stunted Curiosity : Discomfort with asking open questions, exploring possibilities, acknowledging doubts, challenging beliefs, or changing your mind; falling for confirmation bias. Example: Automatically dismissing another person's perspective without truly considering it. Moralizing : Viewing the world in black-and-white moral categories, making moral judgments about subjective ideas, behaviors, or emotions; frequently using terms like "good", "bad", "right", and "wrong". Example: Viewing loyalty as always right, regardless of the circumstances. Absolutism : Thinking in all-or-nothing extremes; feeling obligated to determine the absolute truth; dismissing nuances. Example: Feeling guilty for not being absolutely certain about your beliefs. Reliance on Rules and Authority : Intense devotion to following rules and being loyal; difficulty making decisions without instructions and/or permission from authority figures. Example: Feeling intense anxiety when a supervisor isn't available to give you detailed instructions. Othering : Struggling to have empathy or respect for people with different values, beliefs, or lifestyles; viewing other groups or non-believers through an "us vs. them" lens. Example: Believing that all gay people are intent on recruiting others to be gay. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Self-Suppression Religious trauma survivors who have experienced suppression from a high-control group often begin to perpetuate that suppression internally. Over time, they learn to reenact the control and abuse that they've experienced. These patterns are often linked to belief systems that emphasize purity, conformity, and total unity among believers. These are some of the implications. Low Personal Autonomy : Feeling undeserving of independence, privacy, or respect from other people; feeling incapable of making decisions on your own; feeling like you need permission before doing things; ignoring your own discomfort. Example: Crowd-sourcing basic decisions like which coffee shop to go to. Emotional Suppression : Hiding, shutting down, or invalidating your emotions; judging your emotions as "wrong"; feeling guilty or ashamed for being angry, hurt, or sad. (Long term: depression and emotional numbness.) Example: Chastising yourself for feeling hurt by someone's insensitive comment. Identity Confusion : Not knowing who you are, what you like, or what you want; viewing parts of your identity as bad or deviant; trying to hide or change your identity or personality; feeling like you're always playing a part; constantly trying to live up to other people's goals for you. Example: Not realizing that you're an introvert because you've always assumed that being outgoing is the right way to be. Sexual Dysfunction : Having extreme shame and anxiety about normal sexual expression; frequently worrying about sexual purity; viewing sex or masturbation as deviant or disgusting; experiencing pain during sex; not enjoying sex; denying or hiding your sexual attractions. Example: Feeling extreme embarrassment about telling your partner what you want sexually. Somatic Symptoms : Suppressed feelings and needs can eventually show up as unexplained chronic physical pain or illness Example: Dealing with repeated flares of fibromyalgia or migraines during stressful seasons. Dissociation : Detaching mentally or emotionally from reality; feeling disconnected from your bodily sensations. Example: Realizing you haven't eaten all day because you were ignoring your body's needs. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Relationship Difficulties It's common for religious trauma survivors to come from groups that normalized unhealthy relationship dynamics that benefit the group but not the individual. When these interpersonal dynamics seem normal, many survivors experience repeated issues in their relationships even after leaving the group. These patterns can reappear in other kinds of relationships including partners, family, friends, coworkers, etc. Some of the impacts of this include the following. Codependency : Feeling obligated to always help and serve others; enabling others by doing things for them they're capable of; feeling guilty for saying no; feeling resentful when others don't reciprocate. Example: Feeling rejected and useless when a loved one says they don't need your help. Enmeshment : Difficulty separating your own thoughts, feelings, and needs from others'; expecting everything (including possessions) to be shared in relationships. Example: Feeling distraught when a loved one says they disagree with you. Mandatory Forgiveness/Reconciliation : Feeling obligated to dismiss your feelings and forgive people who hurt you; avoiding conflict at all costs to maintain unity. Example: Reconciling with someone who hasn't expressed remorse for hurting you. Oversharing : Sharing overly personal/vulnerable information before trust has been established; using trauma dumping as a means of bonding. Example: Compulsively confessing your insecurities or mistakes to friends. Confrontation : Feeling obligated to speak hard truths or give unsolicited advice to others; believing it's an act of love to insert yourself into others' private lives. Example: Believing it loving to call out your friend's sinful lifestyle. Trauma Bonding : Feeling obligated to defend, be loyal to, or excuse harmful behavior from others because of your shared history. Example: Defending someone who abused you because you don't want them to look bad. Social Anxiety : Feeling on edge in social situations; monitoring for signs that you're being judged or misunderstood; feeling like you need to perform or lead in social settings. Example: Misinterpreting people's questions as a sign that they're judging you. Insecure Attachments : Recurring fears of rejection or abandonment by loved ones; pushing away or clinging to people in order to keep them from hurting you. Example: Repeatedly assuming your friends are fed up with you and will eventually leave. Authority Fawning : Pleasing and seeking approval from perceived authority figures to earn safety and avoid punishment; excessive obedience, helping, complementing, apologizing, etc. Example: Repeatedly complimenting a leader to stroke their ego. Authority Defiance : Protecting yourself from perceived authority figures by assuming they have bad intentions; refusing to trust or comply with the rules or expectations of those in power. Example: Repeatedly getting in trouble at work for ignoring instructions. Symptoms of Religious Trauma: Grief + Spiritual Struggles In the aftermath of adverse religious experiences, many survivors feel a deep sense of loss and existential grief. Many who are grappling with religious trauma lose relationships, resources, and sometimes even their faith as they try to make sense of their experiences. These are some of the things a survivor might feel. Disenfranchised Grief : Feeling as if your pain is invalid or can't be adequately communicated; feeling as if you don't have the "right" to mourn or that you're doing it incorrectly. Example: Feeling ashamed that you're sad about losing a group that you chose to leave. Crisis of Faith : Feel untethered and confused about your spirituality; not trusting things you once felt certain about; fearing that others will view you as weak or bad for questioning or leaving your faith. Example: Continuing to attend church but feeling extreme discomfort about it. Regret : Grieving the time you spent in an unhealthy group, feeling as if you've missed out on important developmental experiences. Example: Wishing you'd experienced adolescence without purity culture. Moral Injury : Witnessing or feeling compelled to do things that went against your core values; feeling confused about who to blame and whether to feel guilty. Example: Feeling ashamed of playing a part in the spiritual abuse of someone else. You're Not Alone! If these symptoms of religious trauma hit close to home, you're certainly not alone and healing is possible. If you're looking for support, find a therapist who understands with the Religious Trauma Therapist Directory. There's also a whole library of Resources that can help you on your journey. If you need help getting connected with other kinds of support, please reach out through the Contact From on this website and I'll do my best to help you find what you're looking for!

Contact Empathy Paradigm about resources, training, or consultation for religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and cult recovery. EMPATHY PARADIGM THERAPY, LLC Owner: ANNA CLARK MILLER, LPC-S info@empathyparadigm.com 509-720-7292 (phone) | 509-596-0056 (fax) 522 W Riverside Ave, Suite N, Spokane, WA 99201 Empathy Paradigm Contact Form First Name* Last Name* Email* Phone (optional) What can we help you with?* I agree to the privacy policies and terms of use . * Subscribe me to the Empathy Paradigm newsletter. Submit Just want to join the mailing list? Subscribe Here

Consent is the language of autonomy. Take this inventory to help you find ways to increase your autonomy by giving/asking for consent. INVENTORIES NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Religious Trauma Inventory High Control Group Inventory Childhood Religious Messages Inventory Religious Patriarchy Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Values Inventory Codependency Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory Consent is the act of giving permission for something to happen to us. It's how we demonstrate ownership and protection of ourselves. Giving and asking for consent allows each person to decide what they want or don’t want and it should be a regular practice in our daily lives. In high-control groups, consent is rarely valued or acknowledged. Members are expected to participate, serve, or even lead group activities regardless of their personal preferences or level of comfort. In a healthy environment, however, all parties are given the opportunity to opt out of any activity that makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Think of consent as the language of autonomy. The more explicit consent is, the more autonomy everyone has. Even if you're not ready to speak up for yourself, you can still start practicing this skill. As you get more intentional about asking other people for their consent, you'll slowly start feeling more confident in your own right to give or withdraw consent. This inventory offers practical examples of things that someone with a high sense of personal autonomy might say and do. Each of these statements reflects a belief that we deserve respect and expect others to treat us accordingly. Instructions : Check the statements below that sound true of you. I do my best to verbally ask what other people want instead of guessing. I do my best to verbalize what I want instead of waiting for others to ask. I always ask for permission before I physically touch other people. I expect other people to ask permission before they physically touch me. I feel empowered to stop any kind of physical contact I don't want. I feel empowered to leave situations that I don't want to be in. I respect other people's right to change their minds about what they want. I feel empowered to change my mind about what I want. I try not to guilt or pressure other people to give in to what I want. I feel confident saying no even if someone else is trying to pressure me. I try to offer multiple options when I'm asking people what they want. I feel empowered to ask for more information before deciding what I want. I try to ask other people if they want my help or advice before I give it. I try not to hide things from other people in order to get what I want. I feel empowered to ask for privacy when I want it. I ask for permission before sharing private information about someone else. I do my best to respect other people's personal space. I listen to and respect other people's feedback about how I treat them. Interpretation: If you checked a lot of the items on this list, congratulations! You have some very healthy habits relating to consent. If these statements sounded selfish, bossy, weak, or entitled to you, I encourage you to reflect on where those judgments come from. You may be conflating empathy with weakness or autonomy with selfishness. Did you notice any inconsistencies between the statements about yourself and about other people? If so, that might be a sign that you don’t value your own consent and comfort as much as you value other people's. Changing that could be a great goal to set. Optional: If you want to receive a copy of your responses, enter your email and click "Submit". Email Submit Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Learn more about r eligious trauma and how it impacts survivors. Looking for a therapist? Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory

Learn more about how codependency is normalized in dysfunctional groups or relationships. CODEPENDENCY Take the Codependency Inventory What is Codependency? Codependency is an unhealthy relationship pattern that can involve caretaking, people-pleasing, enabling, and overreliance. These patterns become problematic because they cause us to have unrealistic expectations in relationships, eventually leading to hurt and resentment. Each person in a codependent relationship feels compelled to keep doing their part in the dysfunctional cycle, making it harder and harder to break. What Causes Codependency? Our family of origin often creates a relationship “template” for us that we expect all other relationships to follow. If codependency was normalized for us as a child, we may not even realize that it’s dysfunctional. Additionally, shame, low self-esteem, and fear of abandonment can make us crave codependency because it seems to offer us a guarantee of belonging. Over time, codependent behaviors become a way for us to prove that we’re useful to others and worth loving. What are the Impacts of Codependency? Regardless of where our codependent tendencies come from, there is always a cost. These are some of the most common ways that codependency ends up taking a toll: Feelings of obligation and guilt can often make us feel pressured to keep up our codependent patterns. Feelings of shame and inadequacy often arise when we aren't able to fix someone else's problems despite our best efforts. Exhaustion and burnout is common after long-term caretaking, overworking, and neglecting our own needs. Deep anger and resentment towards our loved ones can build up when they fail to meet our needs or appreciate our efforts. What are the Forms of Codependency? Caretaking is when we rescue, help, or solve problems for other adults even if it’s unhealthy for us. Codependency convinces us that others need our help, making us feel obligated to take responsibility for things that technically aren't ours to fix. Some examples of caretaking include: helping without being asked, offering unsolicited advice, and compulsively taking charge of situations. Enabling is when we step in to protect or help a capable adult, making it even harder for them to function independently. This often involves protecting them from the consequences of their own choices or making excuses for their unhealthy behaviors. An example of this would be repeatedly offering financial support to someone with a track record of mismanaging money. People-Pleasing is when we bend over backwards to ensure that others are comfortable and happy. This form of codependency often involves a high level of avoidance because we're so desperate to protect others from feeling upset. Some of the most common examples of this are overworking, approval seeking, and putting up with mistreatment. Enmeshment is a dynamic that makes us feel fused together with others, whether it's one person or a whole group. It makes it difficult for us to distinguish our own needs, emotions, and even identity from others. After long-term enmeshment, we may feel confused about what we truly like and dislike and question who we are apart from the enmeshed relationship. Overreliance , which often coincides with the other forms of codependency, is when we start to feel lost and incapable without constant support from others. This might look like waiting to be rescued from our problems by others before we've made a sincere effort to solve it ourselves. It can also lead to intense anxiety about having to do things or make decisions on our own. What's the Difference Between Enabling and Empowering? Enabling someone else is literally “helping” them so much that they no longer feel the need to take responsibility for themselves or change their behaviors. By removing the consequences that they would otherwise have experienced, they often stop feeling motivated or capable of changing. Empowering someone is essentially communicating that we have confidence in their ability to make healthy choices and succeed. This holds them responsible for their own behaviors while still making them feel supported. By acknowledging that we can’t control their actions, we allow them to experience the rewards or consequences of their choices. Self Reflection Questions What feelings came up as you read this packet? Are there patterns in any of your relationships that came to mind? Of the 5 main categories (caretaking, enabling, people-pleasing, enmeshment, and overreliance), which one sounded most familiar to you? What kinds of situations tend to trigger codependent instincts for you? If you want to try setting boundaries, what is something realistic that you could try doing differently to stop codependent habits? Have your loved ones ever tried to set boundaries with you? If so, how did you respond? Who do you have in your life who models healthy boundaries in relationships? How often do you try to practice positive independence instead of relying on others? What is a healthy way that you could choose to practice that this week? How often do you let your loved ones handle their own problems instead of stepping in? What is a healthy way that you could choose to practice that this week? Take the Codependency Inventory

Take this inventory to see if learned helplessness is affecting you in the aftermath of religious trauma. INVENTORIES NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Religious Trauma Inventory High Control Group Inventory Childhood Religious Messages Inventory Religious Patriarchy Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Values Inventory Codependency Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Learned helplessness is a sense of powerlessness that can emerge from repeated traumatic experiences. This has major implications for religious trauma recovery. Authoritarian systems like over-controlling families or religious groups often make us feel like we don’t deserve the right to choose things for ourselves or decide what happens to us. Rather than empowering us to make healthy choices, that control keeps us from figuring out what we need and how to get it. If our past experiences have taught us that we're powerless to change our circumstances, it becomes very difficult to shift out of that mindset. Learned helplessness can convince us that we’re incapable of making choices that will actually lead to a sense of safety, autonomy, and satisfaction. When unaddressed, this leaves us stuck, waiting for others to validate our needs and feelings, give us permission to do things, and advocate for us. This inventory includes examples of the learned helplessness mindset that can come from long-term disempowerment. As you take the inventory, try your hardest to suspend self-judgment. Remember, learned helplessness is a symptom of trauma, not a sign of weakness. Instructions: Put a check by the statements below that seem to reflect your thoughts and habits. I often struggle to find motivation in life. I often have trouble figuring out what I'm feeling. I often struggle to set goals for my future. I often forget to speak up for myself when I need something. I often predict that I'll fail or be bad at new things. I often assume I'm going to live an unhappy life. I often assume my day-to-day problems can't be fixed. I often assume my relationship issues can't be fixed. I often assume I don't have control over my circumstances. I often assume I won't get what I want in a situation. I often wait for other people to fix my problems. I'm quick to give up on things when I face challenges. I'm quick to write off viable options without considering them. I've stayed in unhealthy jobs for too long in the past. I've stayed in unhealthy relationships for too long in the past. I have a history of repeating my past mistakes. I often look for "signs" that I should give up on things. I often feel powerless to make a positive difference in life. I often feel powerless to change my unhealthy habits. I often feel powerless to protect myself from being hurt. Interpretation: If you checked off multiple items on this list, it's a likely indicator that you've developed learned helplessness in response to your past experiences. Rather than letting this reinforce your sense of powerlessness, view this as an awareness-raising opportunity. The good news is that you don't have to continue feeling trapped in situations that make you afraid or uncomfortable. You may not always have the power to control your circumstances but you do have the power to speak up, make adjustments, set boundaries, or shift your perspective. Optional: If you want to receive a copy of your responses, enter your email address and click "Submit". Email Submit Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Learn more about r eligious trauma and how it impacts survivors. Looking for a therapist? Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory

Take a short inventory to better understand if and how codependency from dysfunctional religious groups has impacted you. INVENTORIES NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Religious Trauma Inventory High Control Group Inventory Childhood Religious Messages Inventory Religious Patriarchy Inventory Learned Helplessness Inventory Values Inventory Codependency Inventory Freedom of Consent Inventory Codependency Inventory Codependency is a set of learned patterns in relationships that can involve enmeshment, caretaking, people-pleasing, enabling, and over-reliance. These patterns set unsustainable expectations for ourselves and others in relationships, eventually leading to hurt and resentment. For survivors of high-control groups, the codependent dynamics that are often normalized in the group can continue to impact our relationships even long afterward. This inventory is intended to help you identify possible patterns of codependency in your life so you can start updating your expectations about how relationships work and building more fulfilling connections. Instructions: Check the statements that sound like things you often think, feel, or do. Enmeshment I often turn to others to help me understand what I’m feeling. My loved ones and I make almost all of our decisions together. I think people in relationships should be able to anticipate each others' needs and wants. My mood usually reflects what the people closest to me are feeling. I often change my mind when a loved one expresses a different opinion. I would rather be in an unhealthy relationship than be alone. Caretaking I often take personal responsibility for fixing the problems of my loved ones. I take care of others even if it means neglecting my own needs. I feel rejected when others say they don't need my help. I’m often drawn to relationships with people who seem to need saving. I try to offer helpful advice to my loved ones even if they haven’t asked for it. It makes me feel needed when my loved ones can't function without me. People-Pleasing I frequently walk on eggshells to avoid making others upset with me. I usually go along with what others want, even if I'm uncomfortable. I rarely speak up when a loved one says or does hurtful things to me. I let others show physical affection to me even if I’m uncomfortable. I lie about or hide things that I think could make others dislike me. I spend a lot of time worrying about whether my loved ones are upset with me. Enabling I tend to do things for my loved ones that they should be able to do for themselves. I try to spare my loved ones from consequences, even when they've made poor choices. I often worry what would happen to my loved ones if I stopped intervening. I often blame external circumstances for the unhealthy behaviors of my loved ones. I sometimes lie or keep secrets to cover up my loved ones' mistakes. I bail my loved ones out of trouble even if I've done it many times before. Over-Reliance I need a lot of affirmation from loved ones to feel confident in myself. I feel anxious or confused when I’m not with my loved ones. I feel incapable of accomplishing things without help from my loved ones. I often get jealous when my loved ones spend time with other people. I feel rejected or abandoned whenever I'm separated from my loved ones. I worry I'd never find love again if my loved one(s) left me. Interpretation: If you checked more than two statements in any of the categories above, you have some codependent learned patterns that are worth talking to a therapist about. The good news is that relationships typically get more rewarding when you start changing codependent habits. Optional: If you want to receive a copy of your responses, enter your email and click "Submit". Email Submit Created by Anna Clark Miller, LPC-S Learn More About Codependency NEW : Buy the Religious Trauma Worksheet Bundle Learn more about r eligious trauma and how it impacts survivors. Looking for a therapist? Check out our Religious Trauma Therapist Directory

Learn how spiritual bypassing causes emotional harm, suppresses critical thinking, and contributes to religious trauma and spiritual abuse. Spiritual Bypassing The term “spiritual bypassing”, coined by John Welwood in the 1980s, refers to a pattern of sidestepping emotionally complex issues with spiritual words and phrases . These sayings are usually intended to offer comfort or perspective when life is difficult. Unfortunately, oversimplified spiritual catch-phrases can inadvertently push us to detach from difficult things, lean into magical thinking, and suppress valid emotions that we need to process. Spiritual bypassing can often look like toxic positivity or an insensitive response to someone else's pain. When we habitually use it to cope with difficulties in our lives, we get better and better at denying reality and suppressing inner tension by relying on spiritual explanations and solutions. THE MESSAGES OF SPIRITUAL BYPASSING Spiritual bypassing happens in religious and non-religious systems all over the world, and it's not specific to any faith or ideology. The basic messages of spiritual bypassing, however, stay roughly the same once you substitute out group-specific words and phrases. These are some of the common messages of spiritual bypassing: There's always a divine/cosmic plan. There's always a spiritual lesson to be learned. When suffering happens, there's a spiritual purpose to it. When positive or negative things happen, there's a spiritual explanation. When problems happen, there's a spiritual solution. All struggles can be solved through spiritual enlightenment. True believers trust in things they don't understand. True believers are grateful/peaceful at all times. True believers shouldn't feel anxious about the future. True believers shouldn't feel angry, sad, or hopeless. Faith, devotion, and sacrifice will always be rewarded. Suffering/harm is justified if it's for the greater good. EXAMPLES Below are some specific phrases (mostly from Christian traditions) that can be used as spiritual bypassing. “Everything happens for a reason.” “Count your blessings.” "God will provide." / "God's in control." "That person is in heaven now." “You'll never be given more than you can handle.” "Don't lean on your own understanding." “You'll get your reward in the next life.” "God works in mysterious ways." "Maybe this is a blessing in disguise." “God must be trying to teach you something.” “I'll pray for you." "We're called to be holy, not happy." “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” "Forgive and forget." How has spiritual bypassing impacted you?

An adapted version of the Power and Control Wheel that demonstrates the dynamics in abusive religious groups, spiritual groups, and cults. Group Power + Control Wheel COERCION + THREATS “Bad things will happen if you don’t join us and obey our rules.” Exclusion from the Afterlife Evil Spiritual Threats Divine Punishment Worldly Dangers Public Shaming Shunning or Excommunication SHAME “You’re broken and hopeless without our teachings and guidance.” Unreachable Standards Punishment for Imperfection Name Calling (“prideful”, “sinner”) Celebration of Self-Abuse JUSTIFICATION OF ABUSE “We would never hurt you. We’re helping you become more holy.” Denial of Abuse Minimization of Harm Victim Blaming Appealing to the Greater Good Reframing Abuse as Love SEX + GENDER CONTROL “God designed us this way. Anything else would be disgusting.” Patriarchal Values + Gender Roles Authoritarian Family Structure Narrow Sexual Expression Purity, Chastity, Modesty LGBTQ+ Discrimination The Power + Control Wheel was created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project to demonstrate the power and control dynamics at play in abusive relationships. Each spoke of the wheel represents a different reason why a survivor might feel trapped in an abusive relationship. This is my adapted version of the Power + Control Wheel to apply to abusive religious groups, spiritual groups, and cults. Additional explanations of each spoke are below. SPIRITUAL INTIMIDATION “It would be dangerous for you to question our spiritual authority.” Spiritual Status of Leaders Divine Calling Ultimate Truth Sacred Scripture Superiority Over Other Beliefs ISOLATION + INSULATION “We can meet all of your needs. You can’t trust anyone else.” Removal of Outside Supports Censorship of Secular Media Control of Education Fear of Outsiders Prediction of Persecution DENIAL OF AUTONOMY “Don’t trust yourself, trust us. We know what’s best for you.” Constant Contact + Gatherings Disconnection from Body/Instincts Behavior Monitoring Peer-Policing Denial of Privacy ECONOMIC CONTROL “You can demonstrate your faith by donating and serving.” Encouraged/Required Donation Unpaid Time + Labor Trust in Divine Provision Celebration of Sacrifice Promises of Spiritual Rewards Need support? Check out the RESOURCES page or find a therapist on the RELIGIOUS TRAUMA THERAPIST DIRECTORY .